Hiss! As the snake tried to climb the tree to get Tom, Jack poked the snake. He thought this would scare it away, but it only made it worse. Tom screamed in horror, “We should never have gone to the bush!” Before they had gone to the bush they had never agreed to go but they did.
The snake was climbing higher and higher every second. Tom saw what looked like a giant ant grow into this giant snake. The only thing to do was to jump. “Jump!” Jake yelled. Tom couldn’t jump. “It’s too high!” But it was either Tom dead or Tom alive with a sore foot. Tom had no choice. Tom did it …Tom was alive! He had never jumped from something that high before. He was shocked but proud. The second he had jumped Jake had starting sprinting home. So Tom got up and dusted himself off and limped home behind him.
When they got home they explained everything to Tom‘s mum. She said, “I knew you would do it one day,” to Tom. From then on Tom became brave and jumped off some really high places.
I could have improved on keeping it to 1 main idea and expanding it to have more details and to make it more to life and engage with the book. Also have them connect more emotionally to the characters. I am proud of using different types of techniques such as similes and the 3 repetitive, short sentences to build suspense. I have also made the change in the character from the start and the end of the story. I have learnt a few things in the lesson such as I didn’t know that the character had to change throughout the story and have them reflect on them at the start. I also learnt how to use 3 short sentences to build up suspense for the readers or 2 short sentences then 1 long one to flow.